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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?
  • No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.
  • I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.
  • Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.
  • My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.
  • I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.