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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.
  • At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.
  • I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.
  • It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.
  • I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.
  • You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.