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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like โ€œUghhh, make me longer!โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

Iโ€™m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Breaking via Messenger:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Seen just now on Threads:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone elseโ€™s house on your vacation.

Seen just now on Slack:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Just shared via Twitch:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

Itโ€™s like my wish isnโ€™t even your command anymore…

Making waves on Reddit:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Trending via Twitch:

My kids couldnโ€™t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Thereโ€™s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Breaking via Discord:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone elseโ€™s microwave.

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.
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Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the ninja skill of sleep-standing! โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™‚๏ธ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,425

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

If you think youโ€™re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Donโ€™t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Outlook just asked me if Iโ€™m โ€œenjoyingโ€ Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has copied:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old โ€” you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

Youโ€™re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Instagram:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks Iโ€™m a much different person.

Spotted on X:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Seen just now on Threads:

Iโ€™ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and Iโ€™d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Just shared via Twitch:

IKEA is the swedish word for โ€œrelationship meltdown in a public place.โ€

Seen just now on Twitch:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Spotted on Pinterest:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Breaking via X:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Breaking via Telegram:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, heโ€™s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, heโ€™s not watching me when Iโ€™m sleeping.

Shared recently on Slack:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

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ยฉ 2025. All fights retarded. ๐Ÿคช

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