Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.
  • The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.
  • I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.
  • My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.
  • I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.
  • I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.