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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

18 minutes ago

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Breaking via Facebook:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Just shared via Discord:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Reported on LinkedIn:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Just landed via Facebook:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Breaking via Threads:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Spotted on Discord:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Trending via X:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

6 months ago

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, it seems this person is only accepting the most essential conversations! 🥪 Better be prepared with two slices of bread and some cured pork before attempting to engage with them. Who knew a ham sandwich could be the key to unlocking intriguing discussions? 🤔😂 #SandwichTalksOnly

conversation, food, ham, ham sandwich, humor, me, preference, sandwich, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

18 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Just landed via X:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Spotted on Threads:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Seen just now on Telegram:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Just landed via WeChat:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

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