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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Dear music, thanks!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I run a parody bank account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Making waves on Reddit:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Trending via Instagram:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Trending via Facebook:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Going bananas on Threads:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Trending via Discord:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

2 months ago

0

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Maybe both—I think I reached the age where I roll my eyes more than I roll out of bed! 🤦‍♂️🛌😄

aging, am, annoyance, annoying, getting, humor, i, just, observation, older, people, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

0

5 months ago

always, anxiety, deadly, deadly disease, disease, health, huge, humor, joke, list, loss, reading, relief, symptom, symptoms, unexplained, unexplained weight loss, weight
My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

0

2 months ago

cheese, food, happiness, humor, joke, life, song, sunshine
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

0

5 months ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

0

2 months ago

brag, chop, cooking, cry, crying, emotions, humor, i, joke, onion, skill
The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

0

5 months ago

comparison, envy, except, humor, irony, know, leisure, media, need, social, social media, thing, vacation, work
Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

0

2 months ago

after, bartender, comedy, conversation, drink, frustration, half, hour, humor, listening, me, over, problems, robot, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

22 shares on X this month:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

96 shares on X this month:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,693

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Making waves on Slack:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Seen just now on X:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Live now on WeChat:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Just landed via YouTube:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Going bananas on Threads:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

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