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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Just shared via WeChat:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Trending via Facebook:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Trending via WeChat:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Making waves on Messenger:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Breaking via Threads:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

2 months ago

0

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Applying for jobs is like getting dolled up for a blind date with a mysterious stranger who promises to be your dream partner! 🎭💼 You're all smiles and enthusiasm, hoping for a wonderful connection – but let's be real, sometimes you end up with a total mismatch! 😅🤝 #JobHuntDrama"

application, audition, blind, blind date, date, dating, employment, enthusiasm, even, expectations, humor, job, jobs, pressure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

0

4 months ago

emotion, emotionally, humor, joke, jokes, laugh, own, self-awareness, stability, stable
I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, anyone, humor, introvert, mean, never, people, secret, social, social anxiety, talking, tell
Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

0

4 weeks ago

alone, concept, ever, everything, going, hard, hard way, humor, i, learned, networking, struggle
Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

0

4 weeks ago

bleeding, danger, emotion, emotions, feelings, metaphor, next, people, shark, showing, trust, vulnerability, wrong
After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

0

2 months ago

activity, after, charge, chores, domestic, domestic life, dryer, fun, fun activity, humor, laundry, life, little, relaxation, should, tumble
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

0

2 months ago

away, comparison, cords, day, humor, husband, i, keep, need, old, organization, preparedness, screenshot, storage

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Discord this month:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,262

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Shared recently on Messenger:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Just landed via Discord:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Shared recently on Slack:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Broadcasted on X:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Breaking via TikTok:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

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