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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Trending via Telegram:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Spotted on Discord:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Trending via Facebook:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Trending via WeChat:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

3 weeks ago

Humorous text pondering bizarre mood swings about injury and hospital stays.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm all for a good thrill, but I draw the line at becoming a human bumper sticker! 🚗💥🤕 Just imagine the hospital food and questionable fashion choices as you recover… But hey, at least you'll have a riveting story to tell at parties! 🏥😅 #LifeGoals

car, dark, dark humor, ever, hit, hospital, humor, injury, month, mood, sarcasm, spend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,610

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Going viral on Reddit:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Seen just now on Discord:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Trending via TikTok:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Making waves on Slack:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Broadcasted on Threads:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Spotted on YouTube:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Seen just now on X:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

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