Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Commentary:
“Who needs the sun to dictate our schedule when we have blackout curtains? 😎⏰ No sunlight, no problem! The power of sleep and darkness compels us! 😂🌚 #SleepGoals”

, , , , , , ,
New funny quotes →

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • They should name a personality disorder after me.
  • Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

    Commentary:
    “No apologies needed! Alcohol just helped me unleash my inner Shakespearean poet 🍷✨ Can’t guarantee the accuracy, but the passion was real! 😂 #DrunkPoetSociety”

  • It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

    Commentary:
    “Fore! 🏌️‍♂️⛳️ Who needs skill when you’ve got an abundance of balls? Just remember to aim for the fairway, not the water hazard! 😅🏌️‍♂️ #GolfingProblems”

  • My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

    Commentary:
    Sounds like someone already has a head start on their partner’s issues! 🙈 Why not kill two birds with one stone, right? 🤣 But hey, at least they’re trying to work things out! 💑 #TherapyGoals

  • I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a night light when you’ve got Temu’s special glow-in-the-dark antidepressants? 💊✨ Say goodbye to the darkness… and hello to your new radiant aura! 😂 #GlowUp”

  • No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

    Commentary:
    “Rise and shine, they say! But fate be like: ‘I’m awake before your alarm clock, honey!’ ⏰😆 #FateAlwaysWins”