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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,262

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Just landed via TikTok:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Seen just now on Threads:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Broadcasted on X:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Going viral on Discord:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like pre-heating the oven has a higher success rate than shouting "dinner's ready!" 🍕😂

activity, attention, dad, family, fun, fun activity, hack, humor, joke, oven, parenting, preheating, teen, teens

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

0

2 months ago

cigarette, history, humor, opinion, smell, smells, worst
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

0

2 months ago

common, common sense, deodorant, humor, irony, lesson, life, life lesson, need, never, people, self-awareness, sense
Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

0

2 months ago

adventure, being, darkness, fun, giggling, horse, humor, imagination, imagine, lads, mischief, trojan, Trojan horse
Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

0

2 months ago

every, flannel, flask, gift, gift guide, guide, hold, humor, knife, men, satire, whiskey
If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

0

2 months ago

alien, away, dinosaur, dinosaurs, humor, light, light year, million, observation, science, science humor, space, telescope, time, time travel, travel, watching, year
Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

0

2 months ago

apologize, car, driving, hit, humor, i, personality, personification, pothole, sometimes, vehicle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on X this month:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

31 shares on Discord this month:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

21 shares on Threads this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

99 shares on X this month:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

67 shares on Threads this month:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Just shared via Facebook:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Spotted on Discord:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Going viral on Instagram:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Going viral on YouTube:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Spotted on TikTok:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨