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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

359 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,628

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,628

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Trending via Snapchat:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Going bananas on Pinterest:

May the algorithms be with you.

Making waves on Threads:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Making waves on Messenger:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Trending via YouTube:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Spotted on Reddit:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Just landed via Threads:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Going viral on X:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When he's around, my brain's on vacation mode! 🏖️🧠😜

actually, around, brain, dating, humor, i, man, relationship, smart, smart man, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

2 months ago

excuse, fault, great, hair, humidity, looks, people, think
Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

2 months ago

beach, beautiful, forever, frustration, here, humor, just, lay, nature, sand, sh, stupid, try
Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

2 months ago

being, crazy, dating, fun, humor, mean, no one, relationship, single
Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

2 months ago

bananas, before, brag, bragging, brown, eating, fruit, healthy, healthy snack, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, self-confidence, snack, turned
My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

2 months ago

adult, childhood, head, humor, i, irony, lessons, life, life lessons, lose, lose head, me, need, own, parents, responsibility, self-awareness, tools, want
I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

2 months ago

daily, daily life, dog, dogs, family, humor, kids, life, parenting, taxi, today, transportation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

12 shares on X this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Making waves on Messenger:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Going viral on Telegram:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Making waves on Twitch:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Breaking via Slack:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Spotted on Twitch:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨