Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

358 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,627

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,627

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Making waves on Snapchat:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Going viral on Slack:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Shared recently on WeChat:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Going viral on Instagram:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Just landed via Facebook:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Trending via Telegram:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Live now on Snapchat:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Just shared via Messenger:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll be having a lawful December feast! 🍰🎉👮‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

100 shares on Threads this month:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

52 shares on X this month:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

40 shares on Discord this month:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

358 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,627

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,627

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Spotted on YouTube:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Live now on Instagram:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Trending via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Spotted on Facebook:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

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