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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Breaking via Reddit:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Breaking via Messenger:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Going viral on Twitch:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Just shared via Discord:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Going viral on Messenger:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Funny quote about holiday indulgence suggesting December calories don't count.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll be having a lawful December feast! 🍰🎉👮‍♂️

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Twitch this month:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

60 shares on Discord this month:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

58 shares on X this month:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Shared recently on Threads:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Going viral on TikTok:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Trending via Facebook:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Making waves on Messenger:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Seen just now on Reddit:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

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