Commentary:
I'm still waiting for my refund after that salad scam! 🥗💸
16 Funny calorie quotes
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.
Commentary:
Guess I'll be having a lawful December feast! 🍰🎉👮♂️
Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.
Commentary:
Oops, my bad! I guess it's time to upgrade my vocabulary software from the 1900s 📟 ➡️ 🤖 #VintageProblems #OldSchoolCharm 😂🍏
If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.
Commentary:
I guess I need to "chat" more often if I want to fit into my skinny jeans! 😂🗣️🔥
I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.
Commentary:
Burning calories, one purr at a time! 🐾💪😺
Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.
Commentary:
Sounds like your weekend calories are now part of the Witness Protection Program! 🍩🙈🔥
Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.
Commentary:
"Who knew avoiding awkward encounters was the ultimate cardio workout? 😂🏃♂️💨 #WalmartOlympics"
I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.
Commentary:
"With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"
How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.
If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.
Commentary:
Wow, Twitter should come with a warning label: "Caution! May result in unintentional exercise from vigorous head shaking 🤯💪😂 #TwitterWorkout"