Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

31 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Shared recently on Slack:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Just shared via Slack:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Going viral on TikTok:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Just landed via Reddit:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Going viral on Slack:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Trending via Discord:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

6 months ago

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seriously, stop belittling those majestic dinosaurs with your 'roaming' label. They were probably busy running errands, attending dino meetings, and grabbing coffee with their dino buddies.🦖💼 Don't mess with a dino's packed schedule!🦕⏰ #BusyDinos"

activity, always, bet, dinosaur, dinosaurs, Earth, hell, humor, i, important, patronizing, places, prehistoric, roaming, shit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

31 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

They expect me to work at work.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Live now on Messenger:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Spotted on Facebook:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Making waves on YouTube:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Trending via Messenger:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Trending via Reddit:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Going viral on Twitch:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴