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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

90 Funny shit quotes

Funny shit quotes 🤣 are your ultimate sidekick when you need a dose of humor that hits just right! Whether it’s a clever quip or a cheeky observation, these quotes are guaranteed to turn your day around 😜. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your own inner monologue, they bring laughter in spades and remind us not to take life too seriously 😂. Get ready to giggle, snort, and smile!

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Posted onMay 27, 2026

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Posted onMay 27, 2026

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

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