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Commentary:
"Every time I look into my cat's eyes, I can't help but wonder if he's secretly plotting to take over the world with his purr-fect plan 😼🌎 #CatConspiracy"

cat, cats, ever, eyes, humor, inside, observation, person, pet, realization, realize

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

0

2 months ago

aging, Botox, brow, dumb, dumb thing, expression, facial, facial expression, furrowed, furrowed brow, humor, i, need, people, sarcasm, say, skincare, thing, things, wit
My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

0

2 months ago

bonus, Christmas, colonoscopy, DVD, gift, humor, letter, medical, personal, year
A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

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2 months ago

day, enough, expectations, experience, General, great, having, humor, irony, old, parenting, rule
Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

0

2 months ago

actor, asking, cruise, feel, feeling, film, guy, humor, just, movie, question, screen, something, tom, Tom Cruise
Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

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2 months ago

12, alone, alone time, day, hack, hours, life, life hack, mental, mental preparation, mentally, morning, morning routine, personal, personal time, preparation, productivity, routine, self-care, time, yourself
I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

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2 months ago

age, broke, discomfort, feel, getting, getting older, humor, neck, older, pillow, sleep, where, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

47 shares on Instagram this month:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

23 shares on X this month:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

91 shares on X this month:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

67 shares on X this month:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Spotted on Threads:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Breaking via Snapchat:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Going viral on Messenger:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨