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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

884 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,046

Funny Quotes Topics

13,985

Funny Quotes Images

11,046

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Spotted on WeChat:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Just landed via Messenger:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Just shared via Slack:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Breaking via Instagram:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Reported on Instagram:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?
Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Every time I look into my cat's eyes, I can't help but wonder if he's secretly plotting to take over the world with his purr-fect plan 😼🌎 #CatConspiracy"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

884 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,046

Funny Quotes Topics

13,985

Funny Quotes Images

11,046

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Just shared via Slack:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Just shared via Messenger:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Shared recently on X:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Making waves on Reddit:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

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