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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,868

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Live now on Snapchat:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Making waves on X:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting on this porch to have Wi-Fi and snacks. 😂🍿📶

companionship, death, die, humor, invitation, me, porch, relationship, sit, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

4 weeks ago

AI, AI writing, dash, em, em dash, grammar, humor, incoherence, incoherent, mean, please, punctuation, stop, too, us, work, writing
You are my favorite dirty thought.

1 month ago

affection, dirty, dirty thought, favorite, flirtation, humor, love, playful, relationship, thought
I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

1 month ago

away, bunny, flew, glasses, humor, i, meadow, need, observation, saying, today, vision
Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

4 weeks ago

age, aging, aging humor, being, body, body noise, coming, figure, health, humor, life, noise, old, old age, senior, senior life, trying, why
My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

1 month ago

body, brain, conflict, exciting, fool, humor, inner, inner conflict, listen, motivation, procrastination, something, today
Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

1 month ago

absurdity, cake, existential, food, humor, i, imagine, know, nothingness, rice, rice cake, still, taste, thanks

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Making waves on Slack:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Live now on Instagram:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

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Activity Log ✨

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

You are my favorite dirty thought.

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

No plans and no pants kind of day.

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

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Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

You are my favorite dirty thought.

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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