Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.
  • My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.
  • Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.
  • Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.
  • I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.
  • Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.