Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.