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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Trending via Discord:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Trending via Discord:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Spotted on Facebook:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Spotted on Twitch:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Spotted on Reddit:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Trending via Facebook:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Humorous text about confusing algorithms and social media preferences.
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Commentary:
"Who knew confusing algorithms could be an art form? 🤖🎨 Don't judge me based on my likes – I'm just keeping those algorithms on their toes! 😜 #AlgorithmConfusion"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on X this month:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Just landed via Threads:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Just shared via Reddit:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Making waves on Instagram:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Making waves on Instagram:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Making waves on Threads:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

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