Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
  • Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.
  • The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
  • Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.
  • You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.
  • I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.