132 funny saying quotes - Wordgag

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

May 23, 2026

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

May 23, 2026

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

May 22, 2026

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

May 22, 2026

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

May 22, 2026

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

May 22, 2026

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

May 22, 2026

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

May 22, 2026

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

May 22, 2026

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

May 22, 2026

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

May 22, 2026

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

May 22, 2026

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

May 22, 2026

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

May 22, 2026

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

May 22, 2026

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

May 22, 2026

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

May 22, 2026

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

May 22, 2026

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

May 22, 2026

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

May 22, 2026

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

May 21, 2026

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

May 21, 2026

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

May 21, 2026

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

May 21, 2026

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

May 21, 2026

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

May 21, 2026

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

May 21, 2026

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

May 21, 2026

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

May 21, 2026

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

May 21, 2026

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

May 20, 2026

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

May 20, 2026

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

May 20, 2026

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

May 20, 2026

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

May 20, 2026

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

May 20, 2026

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

May 20, 2026

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

May 20, 2026

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

May 20, 2026