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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Going viral on Discord:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Spotted on TikTok:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Just shared via TikTok:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Making waves on Messenger:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to find my life purpose one HBO show at a time 📺😇 #SundaySavior

addiction, adrift, entertainment, feeling, feeling adrift, HBO, HBO show, humor, morality, show, spirituality, Sunday, television

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

0

4 months ago

able, age, book, childhood, dinner, explaining, humor, kids, little, nostalgia, old, phone, phone book, reach, sit, table, teenager, today, try, used
It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

0

2 months ago

adult, adults, childhood, dire, growing, growing up, humor, i, intelligence, interesting, kid, learning, most, observation, sarcasm, situation, smart, think
Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

0

2 months ago

absent, absent things, brag, clumsiness, humor, i, joke, over, self-deprecation, things, trip
I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

2 months ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka
It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

0

2 months ago

adulting, afford, Christmas, Christmas shopping, even, financial, financial struggle, holiday, holiday season, humor, i, life, money, money problems, own, problems, relatable, season, shopping, struggle
If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

0

3 weeks ago

air, annoying, annoying behavior, behavior, finger, finger quotation, humor, interaction, introduction, job, job title, little, prank, quotation, sarcasm, social, social interaction, someone, title

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Slack this month:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

47 shares on Threads this month:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

21 shares on Slack this month:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

21 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I am cassette tape years old.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨