Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Spotted on Slack:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Live now on Twitch:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Going viral on Telegram:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Spotted on Instagram:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Breaking via Telegram:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to find my life purpose one HBO show at a time 📺😇 #SundaySavior

addiction, adrift, entertainment, feeling, feeling adrift, HBO, HBO show, humor, morality, show, spirituality, Sunday, television

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

0

2 months ago

brain, daydreaming, distraction, diversion, humor, i, me, mental, mental diversion, multiple, multitasking, overthinking, quest, side, side quest, sorry, story, zoning, zoning out
I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

0

3 months ago

angel, conclusion, guardian, guardian angel, humor, me, possessive, protection
Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

0

2 months ago

again, animal, animal reference, chicken, food, funny moment, grocery, grocery store, holding, humor, moment, reference, rotisserie, rotisserie chicken, Simba, situation, store, unexpected, unexpected situation
Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

0

3 months ago

8, ball, ChatGPT, communication, consulting, funny reaction, humor, i, just, magic, magic 8 ball, me, playing, please, reaction, skepticism, someone, stop, whenever
Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

0

2 months ago

adult, adults, being, children, funny statement, humor, should, statement, twin, twins
My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, dinner, eat, eating, fast, fast eating, food, fun, fun activity, humor, popsicle, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

86 shares on Slack this month:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

29 shares on X this month:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

89 shares on X this month:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

90 shares on X this month:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Shared recently on YouTube:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Seen just now on Threads:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Trending via Reddit:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Trending via WeChat:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Just landed via X:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Live now on X:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Live now on Snapchat:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨