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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New funny quotes: 56 this month

15,809 funny quotes and pics

17,807 funny quotes topics

Updated: Mar 13, 2026

 

 

 

 

131 Funny leave quotes

Funny leave quotes πŸ˜‚ have a way of making even the most stoic boss crack a smile. Whether you’re plotting the great escape from your desk πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈ or just daydreaming about sandy beaches πŸ–οΈ, these quips will tickle your funny bone and make your farewell memorable. Ready to unleash your inner comedian as you wave goodbye? Start practicing your best mic drop 🎀 and prepare for an epic exit!

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

β€œI’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, β€œWe needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

β€œPTO” stands for β€œprepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026Feb 1, 2026

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, β€œBefore you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

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