Funny quotes leave

68 Funny leave quotes

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

2 weeks ago

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

3 weeks ago

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

1 month ago

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

1 month ago

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

1 month ago

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

1 month ago

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

1 month ago

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

1 month ago

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

2 months ago

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

2 months ago

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

2 months ago

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

3 months ago

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

3 months ago

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

3 months ago

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

3 months ago

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

3 months ago

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

3 months ago

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

3 months ago

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

3 months ago

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

3 months ago