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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

131 Funny leave quotes

Funny leave quotes πŸ˜‚ have a way of making even the most stoic boss crack a smile. Whether you’re plotting the great escape from your desk πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈ or just daydreaming about sandy beaches πŸ–οΈ, these quips will tickle your funny bone and make your farewell memorable. Ready to unleash your inner comedian as you wave goodbye? Start practicing your best mic drop 🎀 and prepare for an epic exit!

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, β€œBefore you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Posted onMay 26, 2026

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Posted onMay 25, 2026

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

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