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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,842

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Just landed via Slack:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Going viral on Slack:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Butterflies and delusion? Sounds like my last trip to the zoo! 🦋🤪

butterfly, crush, delusion, feeling, fun, having, just, literally

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

1 month ago

am, heart, humor, i, love, matters, perspective, relationship, size
Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

1 month ago

communication, confusion, email, emails, hell, humor, normalize, response, sarcasm, talking, work, workplace
Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

1 month ago

answer, art, art form, best, communication, dance, form, funny response, humor, interpretive, interpretive dance, question, questions, response, stupid, stupid question
At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

1 month ago

chaos, cleaning, clutter, house, humor, mess, organization, point, sure
An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

5 months ago

attractive, check, communication, DM, easy, flirting, humor, media, message, reply, send, social, social media
Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

1 month ago

anger, annoyance, different, frustration, home, humor, own, parking, parking space, someone, space, taking, type

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Just shared via Snapchat:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

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Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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