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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Trending via WeChat:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Just landed via Telegram:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Just shared via Twitch:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Making waves on Messenger:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, practice makes perfect in the Olympics of weirdness! 😂🏆🔥

freaky, having, humor, intimacy, nasty, person, relationship, same, sex, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

0

5 months ago

anger, food, frustration, i, keep, livid, making, me, moan, moaning, noise, over, people
That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

0

6 months ago

awkward, awkward interaction, awkwardness, humor, interaction, just, pointless, sarcasm, social, social awkwardness, stranger, strangers
I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, eaten, ending, expectation, fairy tale, fairytale, fantasy, humor, i, irony, plan, still, thinking, wishful, wishful thinking, wolf
In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

0

2 months ago

am, company, food, General, humor, i, pizza, preference, relationship, solitude
The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

0

4 months ago

heal, healing, health, humor, loss, me, memory, memory loss, mental, mental health, only, sarcasm, thing
Listen to the birds, not the news.

0

2 months ago

birds, distraction, humor, listen, mindfulness, nature, news, relaxation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Slack this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

53 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

57 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Making waves on X:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

Breaking via Facebook:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Just landed via Reddit:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Trending via Discord:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨