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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Shared recently on Discord:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Just landed via Reddit:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Seen just now on Threads:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Just shared via X:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Going viral on Messenger:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Just landed via Messenger:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Shared recently on Discord:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

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Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.
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Commentary:
Cheers to another year of perfecting the art of repeating history with an impressive level of enthusiasm! 🥂🎉 May our mistakes be legendary and our optimism unwavering as we embark on this thrilling journey of trial and error! 😄 #NewYearSameMistakes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

77 shares on Threads this month:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

95 shares on X this month:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

12 shares on Messenger this month:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Shared recently on Discord:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Shared recently on Slack:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Just landed via TikTok:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Just landed via Reddit:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Just landed via Threads:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

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