Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Just shared via Telegram:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Making waves on Threads:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Just landed via Discord:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Just shared via Discord:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I’ll bring the sacrificial snacks! 🍕😂🔮

casual, false, false god, God, humor, invitation, later, man, pull, slang, worship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

3 months ago

battery, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, reason, remember, Santa, unknown, unknown reason
Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

1 week ago

actually, big, economy, laundering, laundering scheme, money, nail, nail salon, salon, scheme, shop, town, vape, vape shop
The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

2 months ago

alive, balance, dead, enough, humor, just, know, life, pain, spot, sweet, sweet spot, wish
Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

2 weeks ago

accidental, accidental humor, accidentally, awkwardness, concern, dark, dark humor, health, help, humor, i, mental, mental health, normal, normal people, people, social, social awkwardness, used
Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

5 months ago

anxiety, embarrassing, embarrassment, health, humor, mental, mental health, night, night shift, nightmare, nightmares, shift, sleep, stress, why, working
I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

1 month ago

advent, advent calendar, calendar, cupboard, cupboard door, door, doors, eating, food, holiday, humor, i, just, opening, snack, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on X this month:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

91 shares on X this month:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

54 shares on X this month:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

63 shares on Instagram this month:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Just landed via Twitch:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Just shared via WeChat:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Trending via Reddit:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Just landed via Twitch:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Seen just now on Instagram:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Just landed via Discord:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨