Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

β€œAnd on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

β€œGod has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”