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Commentary:
📞 "Isn't it funny how we pretend our phones have a life of their own? 'Sorry, can't make it to the phone right now.' Really? Your phone is out there living its best life without you! 😂 Maybe we should all start leaving voicemails for our phones too, just to keep the communication alive. Who knows, they might start texting us back! 🤳 #PhoneEqualsLife"

carry, communication, constant, everyday, everyday life, humor, irony, life, message, phone, right, technology, voicemail

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

1 month ago
awkwardness, being, date, expectations, fine, first impression, horror, humor, impression, interaction, know, meet, meeting, once, person, personality, relationships, social, social interaction, warned, warning
Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

1 month ago
age, aging, aging humor, always, coming, extended, humor, humor about aging, know, life, life perspective, Monday, old, old age, perspective, retirement, weekend
In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

2 weeks ago
20s, before, dating, demon, dream, dreams, evil, important, light, loser, love, man, narcissist, relationship, run
Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

4 months ago
beverage, coke, diet, Diet Coke, gunshot, gunshot wound, humor, injury, ironic, ironic remedy, pain, pain relief, relief, remedy, wound
I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

18 hours ago
am, clothing, difference, fashion, gender, gender difference, humor, i, men, mini, mini skirt, options, outfit, quarter, quarter zip, skirt, why, wish, zip
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

1 month ago
amount, attitude, cash, confidence, dollar, gas, gas station, here, humor, humor quote, imagine, just, me, money, over, sarcasm, station, witty

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Breaking via Twitch:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Shared recently on Slack:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

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Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

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Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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