Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Just shared via Messenger:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Just landed via Threads:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Trending via Pinterest:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Just landed via X:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

0
Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of marriage – where 'blissfully happy' meets 'pleasantly surprised'. Who knew that meeting your spouse could turn your world upside down after 25 years of harmony? It just goes to show that even the best relationships can use a little shake-up now and then!"

, , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

41 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

59 shares on Threads this month:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,258

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Trending via X:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Trending via Snapchat:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Just landed via Twitch:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Just landed via Facebook:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴