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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,365

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Broadcasted on Threads:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Just shared via Threads:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Live now on YouTube:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

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I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your boyfriend was definitely on a cleaning spree – either that or he's secretly moonlighting as a crime scene cleaner! It's always good to have a partner who's willing to take care of the mess, just try not to jump to the worst conclusions next time he breaks out the mop!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Threads this month:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

62 shares on Threads this month:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Trending via Messenger:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Just shared via YouTube:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Just landed via Reddit:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Just landed via Twitch:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Making waves on Twitch:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Making waves on TikTok:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Trending via Messenger:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

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