38 funny kill quotes - Wordgag

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

May 26, 2026

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

May 26, 2026

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

May 26, 2026

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

May 26, 2026

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

May 25, 2026

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

May 25, 2026

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

May 25, 2026

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

May 25, 2026May 25, 2026

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

May 24, 2026

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

May 24, 2026

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

May 24, 2026

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

May 23, 2026

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

May 23, 2026

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

May 23, 2026

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

May 23, 2026

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

May 23, 2026

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

May 22, 2026

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

May 22, 2026

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

May 21, 2026

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

May 21, 2026

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

May 21, 2026

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

May 20, 2026

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

May 20, 2026

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

May 19, 2026

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

May 19, 2026

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

May 19, 2026

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

May 19, 2026

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Apr 1, 2026

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Apr 1, 2026

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Apr 1, 2026

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Apr 1, 2026

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Mar 31, 2026

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Mar 31, 2026

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Mar 31, 2026

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Mar 31, 2026

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Mar 30, 2026

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Mar 30, 2026