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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Going viral on TikTok:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Making waves on Messenger:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Spotted on Slack:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Trending via YouTube:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Live now on Instagram:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Trending via Slack:

Muting morons is good for your health.

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Still waiting for my certificate in Digital Hoarding 📷📥😂

communication, confirmation, email, even, habit, i, message, only, screenshot, screenshots, technology, text

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66 shares on Facebook this month:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

68 shares on X this month:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

41 shares on Slack this month:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

My life coach traded me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Seen just now on Discord:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Making waves on WeChat:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Shared recently on Threads:

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

Going viral on Telegram:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Spotted on TikTok:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

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Activity Log ✨

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨