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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has copied:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has copied:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

People who say β€œteamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has shared:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Instagram:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Shared recently on X:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Seen just now on Instagram:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Spotted on TikTok:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Just landed via WeChat:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Broadcasted on X:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Just shared via YouTube:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the circle of life: waking up just to look forward to going back to bed πŸ˜΄πŸ”„ Who said motivation doesn't strike early in the morning? 🌞 #SleepIsLife"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Slack this month:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

35 shares on X this month:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

100 shares on X this month:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

29 shares on X this month:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Do you think Yoda says β€œ7-6” instead?

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, β€œAnything else?” and I almost said, β€œStability.”

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being weird never goes out of style.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has shared:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I gotta ask, what part of β€˜I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has shared:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

The amount of people who β€œfind God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has shared:

Next time someone says β€œI’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say β€œI’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has shared:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has copied:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Facebook:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Trending via X:

The term β€œdomestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Shared recently on Slack:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Spotted on TikTok:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

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