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“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Commentary:
"Ah, the circle of life: waking up just to look forward to going back to bed 😴🔄 Who said motivation doesn't strike early in the morning? 🌞 #SleepIsLife"



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(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

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White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

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I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

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Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

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If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

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I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

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Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

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Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

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