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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Trending via Discord:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Live now on TikTok:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Seen just now on Threads:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Trending via YouTube:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Just landed via Slack:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Going viral on Twitch:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Just landed via Discord:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the circle of life: waking up just to look forward to going back to bed 😴🔄 Who said motivation doesn't strike early in the morning? 🌞 #SleepIsLife"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Instagram this month:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

46 shares on Slack this month:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

53 shares on Slack this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,663

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Just shared via Reddit:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Trending via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Going viral on Threads:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Seen just now on Facebook:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Going bananas on X:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Trending via Threads:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Making waves on Discord:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

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