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I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

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You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

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Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

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Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

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Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

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We decided to have money instead of children.

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Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.