98 funny head quotes - Wordgag

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

May 23, 2026

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

May 23, 2026

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

May 22, 2026

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

May 22, 2026

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

May 22, 2026

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

May 22, 2026

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

May 22, 2026

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

May 22, 2026

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

May 22, 2026

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

May 21, 2026

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

May 21, 2026

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

May 21, 2026

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

May 21, 2026May 21, 2026

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

May 21, 2026

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

May 21, 2026

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

May 21, 2026

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

May 21, 2026

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

May 21, 2026

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

May 21, 2026

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

May 21, 2026

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

May 20, 2026

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

May 20, 2026

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

May 20, 2026

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

May 20, 2026

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

May 20, 2026

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

May 20, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

May 20, 2026

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

May 19, 2026

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

May 19, 2026

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

May 19, 2026

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

May 19, 2026

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

May 19, 2026

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

May 19, 2026

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

May 18, 2026

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

May 18, 2026

My only issue with Ozempic is that some of y’all are taking it before considering the fact that you have a naturally large head.

May 18, 2026

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Apr 1, 2026

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

Apr 1, 2026

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Apr 1, 2026