Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Just landed via Discord:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Just shared via WeChat:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Making waves on Snapchat:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Trending via Discord:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Going bananas on Discord:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Melancholia sounds like a gothic band I'd definitely listen to on repeat 🎶🕶️😎

cooler, depression, diagnosis, health, humor, i, know, melancholia, mental, mental health, much

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, interrupt, interruption, me, overhear, please, sarcasm, social, something, trying, witty
If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

0

3 months ago

advice, baffle, bullshit, communication, humor, sarcasm, wisdom, wit
I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

0

2 months ago

came, doctor, health, high, home, humor, i, joke, me, medical, moved, shelf, sugar, today, too, visit, wordplay
There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

0

5 months ago

before, diet, food, foods, health, humor, never, nutrition, protein, science, surprise
Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

0

2 months ago

barber, change, every, fear, haircut, humor, men, new, trust, trying
Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

0

4 months ago

bad, bad mood, caught, clothes, coincidence, door, door handle, everyday, everyday life, frustration, handle, humor, life, mishap, mood, only, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Facebook this month:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

99 shares on Slack this month:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

68 shares on X this month:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

25 shares on Slack this month:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

18 shares on Slack this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Just landed via Slack:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Just landed via Discord:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Just landed via WeChat:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Making waves on Instagram:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Making waves on TikTok:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨