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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Just landed via Slack:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Just shared via Reddit:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Just landed via Slack:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Just landed via WeChat:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Making waves on Threads:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

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I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.
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Commentary:
Dreaming about winning the lottery and waking up to the reality of work… It's like going from a fantasy world of riches to a Monday morning in a snap! 🤑💼 Keep dreaming big, but don't forget to set that alarm for work tomorrow! ⏰😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on YouTube this month:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

17 shares on Slack this month:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

15 shares on X this month:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Just landed via YouTube:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Just landed via Threads:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Trending via YouTube:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Live now on Slack:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Just shared via Reddit:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Going viral on Discord:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Just landed via WeChat:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

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