I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.