Commentary:
Joining a pyramid scheme: making friends one awkward family gathering at a time! 😂💸🤝
122 Funny great quotes
I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?
Commentary:
As an amateur carpenter, I can confirm: beds are known to suffer from performance anxiety! 🛏️🔨😅
Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.
Commentary:
Sounds like a singles retreat with extra steps! 🍹🌧️😆
“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”
Commentary:
The secret to financial success: become a hermit with narcoleptic tendencies 🏡🛌💰😴
Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.
Commentary:
Sounds like my team and I are in a competition to see who can ruin my mood faster! 🏆🤦♂️😂
Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.
Commentary:
Impressive work flexing those spreadsheet muscles today! 🏋️♂️📊💪 Keep clicking your way to glory!
The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.
Commentary:
When reality hits you like a cold shower just as you were getting to the good part 🌨️💤⏰
The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.
Commentary:
I was today years old when I realized 'big naturals' weren't part of National Geographic's top attractions 😂🌍🏞️
I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a highly detailed nighttime drama series running in your head! 🌙🛌📚
Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.
Commentary:
Time flies when you're having fun… or when you're deep into your 8th "dog riding skateboard" video 😂📱🐕🛹