121 funny great quotes - Wordgag

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

May 30, 2026

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

May 30, 2026

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

May 30, 2026

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

May 30, 2026

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

May 30, 2026

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

May 30, 2026

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

May 30, 2026

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

May 30, 2026

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

May 29, 2026

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

May 29, 2026

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

May 29, 2026

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

May 29, 2026

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

May 29, 2026

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

May 29, 2026

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

May 29, 2026

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

May 29, 2026

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

May 29, 2026

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

May 28, 2026

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

May 28, 2026

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

May 28, 2026

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

May 28, 2026

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

May 28, 2026

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

May 28, 2026

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

May 28, 2026

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

May 28, 2026

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

May 28, 2026

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

May 28, 2026

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

May 28, 2026

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

May 28, 2026

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

May 28, 2026

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

May 28, 2026

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

May 28, 2026

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

May 27, 2026

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

May 27, 2026

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

May 27, 2026

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

May 27, 2026

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

May 27, 2026

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

May 27, 2026

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

May 27, 2026

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

May 27, 2026