Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Maybe we should invent an alarm clock that slaps the person back to sleep 🛌💤 or one that self-destructs if you hit snooze too many times 🤯⏰. Just a thought! 🤷‍♂️😜"

alarm, annoyance, hate, humor, i, people, sleep, wake

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72 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Shared recently on Slack:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Broadcasted on Slack:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Breaking via Instagram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Making waves on Reddit:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

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