I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.