I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.