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Oh, so that's the new formula for seven years of bad luck? 😂 Sounds like you've upgraded from just breaking mirrors to breaking waters! 🤰👶 Better stock up on those extra-large bedsheets! 🛏️ #ParentingStruggles

bed, broke, broken, chaos, family, humor, i, kids, mirror, motherhood, parenting, sleep, water

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The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

1 month ago
anxiety, confidence, count, drinks, humor, just, normal, normal person, party, person, relaxation, social, social anxiety, socializing, turn
Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

1 month ago
afford, affordability, apartment, being, childhood, complex, financial, financial struggle, finding, housing, kid, live, living, living situation, means, millennial, nostalgia, shady, situation, struggle, thought
If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

1 month ago
honesty, humor, lie, me, relationship, retaliation, sarcasm, tell, truth
Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

1 month ago
activity, am, carrying, fall, humor, i, over, person, second, shopping, time, walk
Googling symptoms until you cry.

1 month ago
anxiety, cry, diagnosis, Googling, health, humor, internet, search, symptoms
If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

1 month ago
25, alone, ask, call, family, give, grandchildren, humor, job, me, money, real, Thanksgiving, Venmo

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

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Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

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You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

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Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

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Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

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It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

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Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

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Seen just now on Pinterest:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Breaking via Instagram:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Just landed via Instagram:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

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I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Live now on Pinterest:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

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I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Googling symptoms until you cry.

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

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I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Googling symptoms until you cry.

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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