Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Just landed via Slack:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Going bananas on Instagram:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Just shared via TikTok:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Spotted on Telegram:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Going viral on Discord:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Going viral on WeChat:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a magician when you've got an umbrella? 🌂✨ Rainy day hack: the ultimate invisibility cloak! 😂☔️ #HeadlessInSeattle"

everyone, funny observation, headless, hold, humor, i, joke, low, observation, playful, rain, umbrella, weather, weather joke

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth
If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

0

2 months ago

boundary, car, comfort, driving, elbow, humor, little, middle, passenger, personal, personal space, piece, riding, space, yours
I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, Amazon review, free, free time, humor, i, irony, leisure, online, online shopping, positive, positive review, productivity, rake, review, sarcasm, shopping, someone, time, wish
If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

0

2 months ago

award, else, home, homebody, humor, ID, laziness, me, pick, pick-up, procrastination, send, someone, staying, staying at home, win
The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

0

2 months ago

animal, car, check, check engine light, concern, engine, humor, light, lion, metaphor
May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

0

2 months ago

can’t, can’t change, change, date, dude, flat, humor, misfortune, relationship, tire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Making waves on Slack:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Spotted on WeChat:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Trending via Instagram:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Just landed via Reddit:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Shared recently on Threads:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Just shared via Telegram:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨