Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
When you're introverted but still want to let people know you’re cool: "It's not you, it's me… and my love for sweatpants and Netflix! 😎🛋️📺"

alone, humor, i, independence, introvert, lot, nothing, personal, personal space, solitude, space

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

0

2 months ago

anyone, comedy, dumpster, dumpster fire, fire, humor, hunt, job, job hunt, professional, professional word, resume, sarcasm, self-deprecating, word, workplace
If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

0

2 months ago

economics, expand, expansion, going, housing, humor, irony, keep, life, rent, universe
If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

0

2 months ago

conversation, humor, isolation, just, keep, management, me, meet, meeting, myself, self-employed, senior, talking, walking, work
Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

0

2 months ago

appointment, around, doctor, eye, health, humor, irony, today
I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

0

4 months ago

affection, flirtation, hands, humor, i, keep, love, man, me, please, touch, touchy-feely, yes
Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

0

2 months ago

day, finger, fingers, humor, know, last, last day, reminder, somebody, somewhere, today, unexpected

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

I put the hot in psychotic.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

73 shares on X this month:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Making waves on Twitch:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Going viral on Reddit:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Trending via Instagram:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨