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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,610

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Just landed via Instagram:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Making waves on Reddit:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Confidence is clearly on a weight-loss program whenever my math homework is involved! 📝💪😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

5 months ago

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I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

1 month ago

humor, just, obvious, pointing, pointing out, professional, sarcasm, skilled, smart, wit
The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

2 months ago

car, car door, crisis, door, energy, energy crisis, humor, marriage, power, relationship, sarcasm, wife
When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

1 month ago

body, burial, crime, endangered, follow, gardening, humor, illegal, joke, me, plant, tip
Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

2 months ago

5, five, five years, funny response, good, good listener, humor, interview, interview question, interviewer, job, job interview, job interviewer, listener, me, question, response, strength, time, where, year’s, yourself
Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

1 month ago

activity, bro, friendship, fun, fun activity, good, humor, outdoor, river, rock, rocks, skipping, skipping rock, stop

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Shared recently on Twitch:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Seen just now on X:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Spotted on Reddit:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

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I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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