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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Broadcasted on X:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Shared recently on Slack:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Seen just now on Threads:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

2 months ago

0

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic hide-and-seek game between you and your own wallet! 🕵️‍♂️💸 Who will outwit whom in this battle of financial espionage? Maybe try stashing your money in a place so secret, even you can't find it! 🤑🔍 #MoneyMystery"

finance, hiding, humor, i, money, myself, need, procrastination, self, spending, start

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, close, danger, dangerous, distance, dressed, metaphor, nature, people, personality, storm, storms, sunset, unpredictability
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

0

2 months ago

bacon, dollar, every, fat, food, humor, i, ID, just, me, money, self-deprecation, someone, spend, spending, time
I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

0

2 months ago

diet, eating, food, hand, hire, humor, i, just, need, slap, someone
Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

0

3 days ago

education, fake, glad, humor, i, international, international law, law, legal, legal study, meaningless, sarcasm, seeing, study, studying, time, waste, waste of time
I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

0

2 months ago

bad, honesty, humor, i, lot, offer, self-deprecation, still
I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

0

2 months ago

adoption, animal, animal behavior, behavior, cat, cats, else, everyone, funny observation, humor, i, just, know, moved, number, observation, only, people, pet, pet adoption, pet story, picked, shelter, story, tiny

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

33 shares on Slack this month:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

94 shares on Discord this month:

There are too many neglected emojis.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,456

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Trending via Discord:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Just landed via Instagram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Seen just now on Threads:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Breaking via Threads:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Freshly posted on X:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

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