I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

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If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

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Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

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If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

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My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

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Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

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Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

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Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

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Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

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Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

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Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?